joyous june that was

a pleasant month it has been and i truly cannot find the right adjective to describe and express it. i have had a few awesomely pleasant surprises to send me in awe for a whole lifetime. sometimes i feel like i have so much to thank for!

i'd really like to write about the whole amazing street-fooding and sight-seeing adventure we had lately but it suddenly occurred to me that that effort may seem a little bit too ambitious at this moment. it's 3:56 am i'm sleeeepy LOL. and i seemed to be suffering from the writer's block syndrome lately. i can't seem to write properly anymoreeee these days! well that just means i have to write even more. read books with proper english. british english. wahah i like.

having writer's block and my downfall in being able to sum up a great experience in a whole word (not that i have been able to, mind you :p), it seems so much easier to post up pictures here. but there's over 500 pictures! and each and every one of them tells a different story. i can't just choose which one to post. it's not as easy, right. pictures like a great adventure we had are treasures.

i still can't figure out how we ended up with over 500 pictures for just a five-day adventure. summore i deleted so many already -__-

anyhoo, i shall do two for now. too lazy and too tired. whee!

with the surprise visitor from Borneo, johnny bok, and jonathan. haha. waiting for the cable at kek lok si temple to bring us high up! xx pohleen's behind camera lens :)

daniel, me, and dan dan at Tropical Spice Garden! we were hanging from a ahems, cliff? :p this pic kind of blur but still one of my favs nevertheless! xx

it's inevitably difficult to sum up our five-day adventure in Penang with so many awesome fanatico friends in two pictures. not forgetting all the birthday surprises, trips here and there, the amazing family gatherings and bonding time, and then there's the amazing world cup experience! sad, honeymoon period's gonna be over soon with final year project coming up but still looking forward to going back to beautiful Sabah nevertheless. because beyond all that, another amazing adventure awaits! HAHA <3

powerful words

"everytime you forget who you are, remember who i am"

powerful words by someone very dear to me. i wished i could record every single word spoken to me to remind me about things. when i forget those words, i forget who i am and that feels awful.

i wanna remember your every inspirational words, every advice, every words of love. ah, these are the things i should always remember and keep in mind. not some useless garbage spoken by people who don't matter.

wake up, cavina! remember those words, every single advice, every single reminder, because they are the truest of all. but here i am, denying myself of those true words, being overtaken by useless thoughts. aah, evil bedevil, get off my mind!

"everytime you forget who you are, remember who we are"

i am so very grateful for every single thing that i have in my life. stupid evil thoughts just like to cloud my judgement, making me forget how blessed or fortunate i am.

baby steps, baby. baby steps and just do what's right.

<3

"peace i leave with you

my peace i give to you

not as the world gives do i give to you

let not your heart be troubled

neither let it be afraid"

John 14:26-27

comfort zone

hello there world. i have so much to tell you lately. but it's getting late and i am suppose to be working on my thesis. so laters, hahaha. i always do that, don't i? well, the joys of being a human. being able to escape from the realities of the world.

facing a bit of a dilemma of late. a good buddy told me its about time i get out from my comfort zone and approach people about it. it's definitely difficult, but it's the best and righteous thing to do. the importance of going all out for someone and not expecting anything in return is the right thing to do, he says. well said, i couldn't agree more. aah i am so being vague i just lost my chain of thoughts wtf.

sigh. growing up is a difficult thing to do. no, wait. growing up is easy. you just..grow. to face stuff as you grow up is difficult. i don't think i like being an adult when it comes to these things.

this is where i need to be in touch with my inner spirituality. apart from my family at home, i am truly blessed to have these few people away from home that are always there for me
spiritualy.

me and shan shan!

me and brendan dong dong

want to post more pics of the other cool people in my lives who have always helped me through spiritually and emotionally but heh it's getting late and i'm lazy. but you know who you are loves!
i heart all of you <3

xoxo

new things

i've been struggling with so many things for the past few days, even up till last night. not that all are bad, they just seemed to raise more questions every time i think about them. the rows we had, the inevitable questions, the arguments. it's so difficult. but good times were really, really good.

i know a huge part of it was my fault. nothing, i guess, was ever enough for me even though he did so much already and always wanting and working to work things out. and who is anyone to decide that he or she is right or wrong anyways? i guess i wasn't being fair at all. i inevitably became someone i didn't want to be. i should always stick to being myself. but sometimes, i am so confused. i don't really know who i should be anymore.

but things are progressing really well now. i decided to go back to my old self and that ultimately came with maturity and lots and lots of understanding and compromise. sometimes, it's not easy. certain things just haunts me, but i know i am not alone and that we're in this together. this, i was made to understand last night and i was so glad. it's like a huge closure. and everything was so sweet again.

i don't know what is right or what is wrong. all this time i never knew i potrayed an image of having a person to meet requirements just so he could love me. i realised that's so wrong and despite all this, he still tried and tried so hard, just to make me happy. all this while i thought that everything was right just because i thought that all of that was right. and i fussed over the tiniest littlest things only god knows what came over me. and i am so sorry i hurt him so much in the process and made him feel underappreciated.

i have fears too. like doubts that will this work, will things get better, or worse. but i think i should stop being selfish and try to compromise. however, i do hope this person respect my views just as i respect his when it comes to certain things.

all these things shouldn't have even happened had i been myself. i should be the most secure girl on earth! all the things he did, priceless! (though i wish he could do more, okay shut up cavina).

anyways! the point is:

one, i really need to start appreciating the littlest tiniest things in life. not that i never but you'll know what i am talking about if you're me.

two, i really, seriously, cannot wear my emotions up my sleeve and get upset or unhappy about the tiniest things that displeases me that often. it's really not healthy.

and tres, i cannot allow myself to swivel down the drain everything something bad happens which isn't really bad at all but i made it sound like the hugest deal in the world.

there's alot that i need to change, but besos besos we'll handle things one step at a time.

xoxo,

feliz chino nueve every buddy!