Showing posts with label trying to be philosophical lol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trying to be philosophical lol. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

psyched


wow i must be the most hardworking person to blog at 3:44 am lol.

i think i'm staying up just so i don't miss my flight again T________T

this is not nais at all even though i know that there's gonna be about six people who are going to give me morning calls in approximately 14 minutes.

hrmm. this is not good they'll probably scream at me if they found out i hadn't slept at all T____T

but it's okay because this is all for a good cause even if i end up with big bulging eyebags later i can always sleep in the plane wtf.

well i hope i can sleep in the plane and not stay up in excitement LOL.

to be honest, i'm staying up to listen to justin's bieber's one time cause it's just so nais! i don't know what's all the fuss about people liking him too much and people totally hating him. so extreme one! you can either like his songs or like him choose one don't hate both! i only like one song from him anyways see how fair a person i am LOL.

anyways this is how i look like when i listen to one time.

see, itz with ze love, <3


Saturday, February 13, 2010

new things


i've been struggling with so many things for the past few days, even up till last night. not that all are bad, they just seemed to raise more questions every time i think about them. the rows we had, the inevitable questions, the arguments. it's so difficult. but good times were really, really good.

i know a huge part of it was my fault. nothing, i guess, was ever enough for me even though he did so much already and always wanting and working to work things out. and who is anyone to decide that he or she is right or wrong anyways? i guess i wasn't being fair at all. i inevitably became someone i didn't want to be. i should always stick to being myself. but sometimes, i am so confused. i don't really know who i should be anymore.

but things are progressing really well now. i decided to go back to my old self and that ultimately came with maturity and lots and lots of understanding and compromise. sometimes, it's not easy. certain things just haunts me, but i know i am not alone and that we're in this together. this, i was made to understand last night and i was so glad. it's like a huge closure. and everything was so sweet again.

i don't know what is right or what is wrong. all this time i never knew i potrayed an image of having a person to meet requirements just so he could love me. i realised that's so wrong and despite all this, he still tried and tried so hard, just to make me happy. all this while i thought that everything was right just because i thought that all of that was right. and i fussed over the tiniest littlest things only god knows what came over me. and i am so sorry i hurt him so much in the process and made him feel underappreciated.

i have fears too. like doubts that will this work, will things get better, or worse. but i think i should stop being selfish and try to compromise. however, i do hope this person respect my views just as i respect his when it comes to certain things.

all these things shouldn't have even happened had i been myself. i should be the most secure girl on earth! all the things he did, priceless! (though i wish he could do more, okay shut up cavina).

anyways! the point is:

one, i really need to start appreciating the littlest tiniest things in life. not that i never but you'll know what i am talking about if you're me.

two, i really, seriously, cannot wear my emotions up my sleeve and get upset or unhappy about the tiniest things that displeases me that often. it's really not healthy.

and tres, i cannot allow myself to swivel down the drain everything something bad happens which isn't really bad at all but i made it sound like the hugest deal in the world.

there's alot that i need to change, but besos besos we'll handle things one step at a time.

xoxo,

feliz chino nueve every buddy!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

the zest of life


while i'm sitting here for the past couple of hours going through my documents (i.e. certs and etc. etc. you-know-the-drill-that-kind-of-stuff), something which i was suppose to settle a few months ago, printing them while making sure everything is in order, at the same time trying not to curse the officer(s) in-charge whom i was trying to speak the same tone of language while speaking to a five year-old, my mind was filled with so many thoughts in the midst of being occupied by all those annoying paperwork. then it hit me. it just surprises me on how these things can come flooding through my central nervous system in just a couple of seconds. the excitatory wave which is now flowing through my brain are making me all hyped up. that explains. i've been itching to write (hah! another term for blog) about what i'm feeling ever since that very second hits itself.

it's either that or my glucose level is rather high. it's funny how something so simple, something which you think could supposingly make you mad, be turned upside down in just a few minutes. within those times, your emotions run high and thus, transformed into the bestest of the best level you could ever imagine. or is it me? i feel truly grateful for i could find contentment even in my worst period of time. i could not understand how people could easily be so bored, so easily agitated, so discontent, or couldn't even feel the slightest satisfaction which is obviously there upon their very own eyes. now that explains the increasingly amount of social ills which leads to the high number of crime rates which includes a huge load of drug abusers, mass killers, late night party goers *coughscoughs* (okay okay stop THIS IS NOT DEBATE!). oh wait - does weapons of mass destruction which is oh-so-influential counted? O.o
owkay, to be fair, maybe i don't know what those people are really going through. maybe i haven't reach that level of life yet. or i haven't grown out of my old one. well, i don't want to. to be realistic on the other hand, these people are agitated over silly things, like, seriously minute stuff, like the "urgh-why-don't-i-have-the-latest-cameraphone" that sort of thing, you know. don't get how, don't understand why, don't care also. boy, people sure did bring redundancy to a whole new level nowadays.

contentment is really that simple and easy for me. it doesnt involve a whole load of money or gold or silver okay whatever. as long as i get to go shopping, watch my favourite tvb series, abc series, read my world conflicts (the irony of it all), spend time with my loved ones, read my chic lits, watch classic movies which i deemed is a classic but is actually not haha and well so much more. well, about the money part if you're going to count the number of kaching kaching and bling bling to pay the expensive books, astro bills, pricey dvds (ha ha), err what-kind-of-shopping-does-not-involve-money, yes i know its window shopping but when we're talking about shopping, we don't talk window shop here, okay? *snap. HAHAHA wanted to do that for a very long time now. so let's just not go into it cause money is a real subjective topic, you know?
well i don't know which part is subjective it just is ;P

now MOVING ON!

i longed for those days where i wished i had more time to write a really good piece of article about anything, just writing my soul out, without caring about its twisted irony or its haywired storyline or its contradiction at the last paragraph from the first or its most likely huge load of grammatical errors-err my english is deteriorating mind you-and also the time that i get to shop till i drop with mom, have football talk with dad, and tickle caryn till she wraps herself up with pillows and sheets. or the time i spent with my bunch of pals, the bro and sis down the block, the debaters, and so many of them its really quite impossible to mention all of you here ;p

people say contentment comes from the inner soul and gosh that is so true. but i couldn't fathom the number of people who complains so much about their lives every second and every minute of the day. it's really funny when you come to think about it when they have so much in their life yet, they cannot stop whining one. i mean, it is okay to complain, i do too, we're humans like that, it's just about the level of attitude and mind these people have. like, harlooo??? you have access to all the luxuries of life and you want to tell me you don't have enough porsche in your villa? hah. just an example la you're suppose to apply it in whichever situation you're in hahaha. i guess it's how some people interpret their life. for me, something which begins from a whiney officer in-charge which i thought could make me explode in a few minutes transformed unexpectantly into something positive so fast. god knows how my brain works. it's real funny, sometimes i just don't get myself either. but i'm glad i'm like that. in those minutes, i thought my whole day was going to be spoilt, which is quite impossible when you think about it now, thanks to her and their big bums due to their over-eating and air-conditioning but nooo, i felt happier and hey, at the end of the day, i think she is a nice lady (really!), trying to do her job and all bla bla bla and omygod did i reveal too much???

well, it's just a thought. i think i swayed a little too much from what i wanted to say from the start. might just get myself into trouble cause one day i might contradict whatever i say here and then *boom! but it's okay i think i'm really giddy with all the happy things in life. to each of its own. cheers! ;)

xoxo.