comfort zone

hello there world. i have so much to tell you lately. but it's getting late and i am suppose to be working on my thesis. so laters, hahaha. i always do that, don't i? well, the joys of being a human. being able to escape from the realities of the world.

facing a bit of a dilemma of late. a good buddy told me its about time i get out from my comfort zone and approach people about it. it's definitely difficult, but it's the best and righteous thing to do. the importance of going all out for someone and not expecting anything in return is the right thing to do, he says. well said, i couldn't agree more. aah i am so being vague i just lost my chain of thoughts wtf.

sigh. growing up is a difficult thing to do. no, wait. growing up is easy. you just..grow. to face stuff as you grow up is difficult. i don't think i like being an adult when it comes to these things.

this is where i need to be in touch with my inner spirituality. apart from my family at home, i am truly blessed to have these few people away from home that are always there for me
spiritualy.

me and shan shan!

me and brendan dong dong

want to post more pics of the other cool people in my lives who have always helped me through spiritually and emotionally but heh it's getting late and i'm lazy. but you know who you are loves!
i heart all of you <3

xoxo

i still can't believe

i missed my flight home to penang yesterday T____T

and my whole mas ticket from kk to penang via kl got burned.

this has never happened to me! who says first times are always the best wtf.

i must be jinx with malaysian airlines or something cause the last time i flew with mas, we had to standby for almost four hours T___________T

if i ever do take mas again, i'll make sure i'll arrive at the airport like, five hours earlier before check-in time.

in my defense, i don't think the mas staff was being gracious at all. we were only a few minutes late before the check-in counter closes. is this what you call MH Malaysian Hospitality? and i'm a malaysian wtf.

okay enough swearing.

on a brighter note, i get to spend some time in kuching instead!

i'm just really bummed out cause well, i was really looking forward to spending time at home with ze mummy and ze daddy and ze babie. but it's okay now i get to see them in two days!

since i didn't have a chance to do a mother's day post so here's a belated one:

this was back when i still had curly murly hair! <3

to my dearest mummy, happy belated mummys day! you're ze bestest best mummy in the WWW (whole wide world). i love you so much and i miss you and i can't wait to be home to see you again. wishing you all the good things in the world, good health, happyness, joy, and love, every day, every second. *hugss & kisses!

with love,

ze baby girl <3

new things

i've been struggling with so many things for the past few days, even up till last night. not that all are bad, they just seemed to raise more questions every time i think about them. the rows we had, the inevitable questions, the arguments. it's so difficult. but good times were really, really good.

i know a huge part of it was my fault. nothing, i guess, was ever enough for me even though he did so much already and always wanting and working to work things out. and who is anyone to decide that he or she is right or wrong anyways? i guess i wasn't being fair at all. i inevitably became someone i didn't want to be. i should always stick to being myself. but sometimes, i am so confused. i don't really know who i should be anymore.

but things are progressing really well now. i decided to go back to my old self and that ultimately came with maturity and lots and lots of understanding and compromise. sometimes, it's not easy. certain things just haunts me, but i know i am not alone and that we're in this together. this, i was made to understand last night and i was so glad. it's like a huge closure. and everything was so sweet again.

i don't know what is right or what is wrong. all this time i never knew i potrayed an image of having a person to meet requirements just so he could love me. i realised that's so wrong and despite all this, he still tried and tried so hard, just to make me happy. all this while i thought that everything was right just because i thought that all of that was right. and i fussed over the tiniest littlest things only god knows what came over me. and i am so sorry i hurt him so much in the process and made him feel underappreciated.

i have fears too. like doubts that will this work, will things get better, or worse. but i think i should stop being selfish and try to compromise. however, i do hope this person respect my views just as i respect his when it comes to certain things.

all these things shouldn't have even happened had i been myself. i should be the most secure girl on earth! all the things he did, priceless! (though i wish he could do more, okay shut up cavina).

anyways! the point is:

one, i really need to start appreciating the littlest tiniest things in life. not that i never but you'll know what i am talking about if you're me.

two, i really, seriously, cannot wear my emotions up my sleeve and get upset or unhappy about the tiniest things that displeases me that often. it's really not healthy.

and tres, i cannot allow myself to swivel down the drain everything something bad happens which isn't really bad at all but i made it sound like the hugest deal in the world.

there's alot that i need to change, but besos besos we'll handle things one step at a time.

xoxo,

feliz chino nueve every buddy!

earthquake tragedy

cavina's heart goes out to the victims of the Haiti earthquake in Port-au-Prince :'(

my prayers goes out to all the victims: the victims' families, the survivors of this tragedy, and everyone who gave out a hand in trying to improve the situation in Port-au-Prince.

do stay strong while we continue to pray that God will continue to pour his blessings over
these unfortunate souls.

love peace joy hope,
xoxo.

spirituality haywired

four churches arson attacked in kayel.

total of eleven churches across malaysia pelted with molotov cocktails, stones, and paint.

now two Muslim prayer halls attacked. genius.

what next, people?

the black parade

today the world mourns the death of one talented king of pop, who was dubbed the "troubled genius" by cnn, and whose music dominated and took the world by storm. i'm not a fan, but i think after all he did to the entertainment industry, i believe he deserve a whole load of respect and tribute.

anyways, for those of you who haven't heard which i find it hard to believe since the news of his death took the world by storm, almost on the same scale as when the world witnessed the tsunami; he was a phenomenon, after all. yes i'm talking about none other than our favourite pop icon, michael jackson, the one and only king of pop, a musical genius.

every radio station was playing his music today. hitz, fly, era, you name it. even the saloon i went to today was playing his songs. probably some chinese station. my fm probably. and when i got home and turned on the television, every news channel was reporting about him. i've never heard so many michael jackson's songs and so much about him in my life.

i am so dissapointed with myself for starting to like his music and the jackson five's after he passed away. *slaps self*

speaking of saloon, i finally got my hair cut today. i'm so happy because alvin did a great job cutting them. i say great because cutting my hair, i believe, is no easy task. it's long and thick and way too smooth hence, it's so slippery. what good coincidence i have with him. i was searching for his name card before i stepped into hair impression because i remembered that he did a great job with my hair about um, six months ago. but i couldn'f find his card so i just told the lady boss, "you know what, anyone will do" and tadaa! alvin was the "anyone". and he remembers me! i couldn't recognised him anymore cause he got his hair cut as well. well, alvin's hair was long six months ago ;p

anyways alvin talked alot about movies with me and i couldn't take it anymore so i went like, "did you know michael jackson died today?" and he seemed stunned so i thought he was a big fan or something, like did i suddenly break a bad news to a diehard fan. haha.

but alvin said "nolah i'm just stunned, not in the newsapapers also".

"he just died this morning"

"oh"

and then he went on asking more questions.

and then he went on telling the rest of his hair impression colleagues that michael jackson died. hahaha so funny. i didn't mean the part about michael jackson passing away was funny, i meant the part about alvin telling his collegues about the news that was funny lol wtfish.

and then the not so good news: my semester II results came out today. blerhhh.

i am not liking my results!!!

shouldn't have check today stupidcavina but then you gotta know sooner or later erghh.

note to self:must work harder next sem or else i'll...i'll...

i know, i know, i already put in my 200 percent and mom and dad were really proud of me as always so...

but i'm still not liking my results!!!

i am so gonna be depressed tomorrow cause that's when the sadness really sinks in.

anyways, rest in peace yo, my man mj!

you will be truly missed for you have brought a great deal of change to the world through your music.

your passing was such a waste as you have definitely made such a huge positive impact on the citizens of the world.

lots of love.

xoxo

in loving memory of michael joseph jackson

1958-2009

family tragedy in LA, california

it was an extremely sad, sad day for the rajaram household yesterday. if they were still alive, that is. it was definitely a big blow to their relatives, though.

for those who still do not have a clue on what i am babbling about, an american-indian family was involved in a murder-suicide tragedy on monday morning. means yesterday la.

to cut in short, a very distraught man, believed to have a MBA in finance and have a history of working with big accounting firms such as Price Waterhouse, shot and killed his mother-in-law, wife, and three sons due to financial difficulties .

from what i have read, they definitely look like they came from a well-to-do family. would you just look at their beautiful Porter Ranch house. what a waste. all because of some financial crisis and a man who, out of absolute despair, believes that killing his whole family and himself would be an acceptable exit.

tsk tsk.

for those facing the same dilemma, watch and learn please.

and for those who aren't, please reach out in any way you can if you come across people who are facing such difficulties. intervene! reach out! interfere! do whatever you can to restore their hope and faith again! there are other substantial resources available owkayyy. we do not want a tragedy like this repeating itself again.

my heart goes out to the suspect's family. may you rest in peace.

xoxo.