hyperventilating

today cavina woke up feeling very panicky ;(

piling workload is taking a toll on her.

all she can do is type awayyyy, breathe, and relax.

pray and have faith that everything will fall into place at the end of the day

;DDD

but right now, she's just hyperventilating ;x

the hardest thing to do

... is most probably the best daym right thing to do.

;D

i couldn't agree more. i hope whatever they said about that is true ;)))

xoxo

;DDD

baby

was browsing through some outdated pictures to release stress and i found this ;DDD

i wannuh kissss him and cubittt his cheeks like crazyyyy hee ;p

missing you baby boy. it's been a long time since we've met ;(

till then,
xoxo

piling workload

today's one of those days where i am utterly dissapointed at myself. at the same time, i thank God and my friends for bringing me up again. i now realise how strong the power of praying can actually be.

its getting late and i am getting exhausted. these days, i am so used to not sleeping that i don't feel the need to sleep anymore. i just go to bed at two plus in the morning and wake up two hours later. that's how my routine is this week. until today, i crashed. i had to sleep but i just couldn't. my head was throbbing with pain so badly since yesterday. and yet i still attend trainings like usual. i still go on with my usual routine which if any other people would choose, they would choose to let go. me, i just think i should do it out of dicipline. question is, how long would i be able to withstand before everything stands to fall apart. however, i do believe that i can juggle many, many things together. believed. until today. i know i deserved it. but at the same time, i thought i did my best. so yep, i need some balance in my life.

life on campus hasn't even been mundane. it's quite the opposite. hectic, yet fun at the same time. but exhausting. it tires you up like crazy. well, for me and people in the same boat as me that is.

now, how on earth am i suppose to juggle three midterms, two major quizzes, two tutorials, and four lab reports all due next week? with no mornings, afternoons, and evenings to spare?

oh God, help me.

i'm praying ;DDD

feliz cumpleanos mi hermana!

tomorrow is caryn lim myn li's birthday =DDD

caryn happens to be my baby sister. and she is turning twelve tomorrow. sigh. how fast time flies.

i could still vividly remember back to the time she was just a baby. back to the time when she was just brought out into this world. nine years gap, you ask? yep, our gap was that big. so obviously we have very different tastes. but i know i somehow influenced her one way or another. in a good siblings influences kind of way lar, ahems. she grew up faster than i thought she should. her favourite music was from linkin park. who wasn't if you were born in 1988 and the in music was by LP and have a little sister to pour influence upon? well, i did, indirectly, that is. i don't even want to go into the fashion part. i think i robbed her of her childhood. haha kidding kidding. i didn't have internet connection growing up till i was, eleven? during her time, everything my time was becoming obsolete and so yeah, you get the point. i guess i was a huge role model for her, despite her refusal to admit it EVERYTIME =p

to my baby sister who likes to be called 'baby' or 'sayang' but denies it ALL THE TIME, whom people must hug instead of her doing the hugging, who reeefuuseesss to kiss her mom, dad, and SISTER (hah! *roll eyes*),

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!

YOU'RE TURNING 12!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

i always thought about what was going to happen or how is it going to feel like when she was just born when i was only 9, and then thought about what going to happen to her, how is she going to be like by the time i'm 18 when i was 9, and now that i'm 21, i do know how it is like. i'm very proud of my sister, she collects more trophies in her entire 12 years of life than me in my 21 years of life!!!

wishing you good health and all the best this birthday, in upsr (sap sap sui only), in boys (kidding kidding, must start protecting you ady), SMILE ALWAYS (you look pretty when you do!), don't always muka masam okay next time you grow up looking like that baru tau (kidding KIDDING!), and i love you baby.

despite our hugeee gap, know that we didn't spend enough time with each other as we should, but know that you are always in my heart,like how torres is always in my heart oukayyy i should probably stop joking around HAHA. it's a pity i can't be back to celebrate with you this birthday, but nah, i made this post specially for YOU!!! see, i always think of you one =p

take care sis, you better brag to people about this! HAHA.

MUAXXX!!!

missing you always ;D

what happened

was that i just lost my previous post which i had just spend an hour writing due to a disconnection. erghh blerghh.

that was one good ost right there. lalala. oh well, i'll just blog about it next time. the same thing. all over again. haiyer. the inspiration is not there anymore. not as excited as before. hahaha.

till then,
xoxo.

what happened so far

you see, the thing about having many things to blog about is not blogging about them. so many things happened, you go places, all kinds of interesting events popped up, and you're in the midst of having good times, sometimes you cry, while other times you jumped for joy. you get caught up in so many different kinds of things, and then time flew by so fast it's crazy so you just..couldn't be bothered to write about so many things passed.

anyhow, that's abit off the record. i'm here to talk about my first week in uni. of my third semester. so yeah.

today is munday. of the second week. but monday is not really mundane for me. well, i hope not anyway.

oh my god the most amazing thing just happpened i can't believe i even said that but yeah!!!

i'm not going to talk about it. i believe i should swear myself to secrecy. yes.

anyways, the first week, well, i thought i was going to die. seriously. but things turned around. for good. i know life is a rollercoaster but i shall enjoy this moment! muahaha!

so mr puad didnt want to give me back my batik artwork. so bad right. he said he wants to keep it and that it should be that way because it's kukum's property. he's going to frame it up in dewan chanselor or something. wahaha so cool but i want it back! i want to frame it up in my room! well, mom wants to. so mr puad told me this: "hey, make another one la. we can go factory together"

"err.."

"join batik competition will you?"

"err.."

"very easy one. six by six metres"

"awh? SIX?"

"so whaddya think?"

"i'll think about it"

"aha! okay. that's the way, girl!"

"err.. *crickets singing*"

i don't think he heard what i said lor. nevermind. he's a cool guy. we call him sifu, by the way. like the chinese sifu, that kind. gong!!! ehee.

i got funny fahmy as my macroeconomics lecturer. well, i call him funny fahmy cause his name is fahmy and he is sooo funny! in a cynical kind of way. i hope he stays this way. you could never tell much and all from the first encounter, can you?

and what else. i should be studying. not blogging and reading cnn news. HAH! what were you thinking, baby?

xoxoxo.

the black parade

today the world mourns the death of one talented king of pop, who was dubbed the "troubled genius" by cnn, and whose music dominated and took the world by storm. i'm not a fan, but i think after all he did to the entertainment industry, i believe he deserve a whole load of respect and tribute.

anyways, for those of you who haven't heard which i find it hard to believe since the news of his death took the world by storm, almost on the same scale as when the world witnessed the tsunami; he was a phenomenon, after all. yes i'm talking about none other than our favourite pop icon, michael jackson, the one and only king of pop, a musical genius.

every radio station was playing his music today. hitz, fly, era, you name it. even the saloon i went to today was playing his songs. probably some chinese station. my fm probably. and when i got home and turned on the television, every news channel was reporting about him. i've never heard so many michael jackson's songs and so much about him in my life.

i am so dissapointed with myself for starting to like his music and the jackson five's after he passed away. *slaps self*

speaking of saloon, i finally got my hair cut today. i'm so happy because alvin did a great job cutting them. i say great because cutting my hair, i believe, is no easy task. it's long and thick and way too smooth hence, it's so slippery. what good coincidence i have with him. i was searching for his name card before i stepped into hair impression because i remembered that he did a great job with my hair about um, six months ago. but i couldn'f find his card so i just told the lady boss, "you know what, anyone will do" and tadaa! alvin was the "anyone". and he remembers me! i couldn't recognised him anymore cause he got his hair cut as well. well, alvin's hair was long six months ago ;p

anyways alvin talked alot about movies with me and i couldn't take it anymore so i went like, "did you know michael jackson died today?" and he seemed stunned so i thought he was a big fan or something, like did i suddenly break a bad news to a diehard fan. haha.

but alvin said "nolah i'm just stunned, not in the newsapapers also".

"he just died this morning"

"oh"

and then he went on asking more questions.

and then he went on telling the rest of his hair impression colleagues that michael jackson died. hahaha so funny. i didn't mean the part about michael jackson passing away was funny, i meant the part about alvin telling his collegues about the news that was funny lol wtfish.

and then the not so good news: my semester II results came out today. blerhhh.

i am not liking my results!!!

shouldn't have check today stupidcavina but then you gotta know sooner or later erghh.

note to self:must work harder next sem or else i'll...i'll...

i know, i know, i already put in my 200 percent and mom and dad were really proud of me as always so...

but i'm still not liking my results!!!

i am so gonna be depressed tomorrow cause that's when the sadness really sinks in.

anyways, rest in peace yo, my man mj!

you will be truly missed for you have brought a great deal of change to the world through your music.

your passing was such a waste as you have definitely made such a huge positive impact on the citizens of the world.

lots of love.

xoxo

in loving memory of michael joseph jackson

1958-2009

oh noooo~

so kris allen won the american idol season 8. sheesh. so geram. erghhh. i have never personally followed the show this season due to being tied down to *coughs!* campus life-far away from home, no tivo (hah!), work, work, and work, okay it's basically just work now don't blame the distance and the inexistence of the square box, that's not true. i mean, the tivo part. i mean, duh, we don't have tivo obviously since when malaysia so progressive. we have televisions. astro. star world? THAT we have to go someone's house *coughs!*. or mamak. so yea.

.

i am flummoxed.

.

i am flustered.

.

and rather flabbergasted, if i may add.

.

not that i have a grudge against kris. now who am i to judge. it's just that i finally settle to root for adam lambert. i just thought he was far more deserving than kris. more versatile, though he may be a little off the drama. i'd thought he was a better performer during the finale, showed that he put in more effort unlike kris. just like simon cowell said after his second performance, kris was "a little too laidback for a night like this". no doubt kris allen has what it takes, that dark horse, who is no doubt cute but probably taken *coughs!*, and adam has had a series of stage performances background. drama school probbaly taught him alot so yea but may the better man wins, right?

anyways, the result came as a shock to me and i have no idea why. maybe it's because i kinda put alot of hope into adam being crowned the 8th american idol title but oh well, kris is cute anyways and adam is already famous he doesn't need to be crowned to add on to his already overflowing glory.

;DDD

anyhooo, i loved the performances tonight. *squels in delight* omyguddness nobody told me jason mraz was coming haha bah as if i was there. fergie! david cook! well, his presence is pretty predictable. condolences on his brother's death over cancer. hrmm who else. well, i saw katie holmes with cute baby suri last night in the show. during the duo's last performances. and then there's santana! that guy just appears after a long time of dissapearance from the showbiz. not that i'm very well updated about the showbiz. heheh. but anyhow they were a.w.e.s.o.m.e.!!! i mean the 15 finalists. fuh! they wow-ed me. i got blown away. goosebumps all over. totally. secretly wished i was there. but good enough that i watched it live ;DDD

it's one unbelievable night which left me shell-shocked. and a ring below my eyes. whatever it is, the show was worth waking up for, or rather, staying up for ;ppp

xoxo.

the thing about me is

...i do not have the dicipline to update my blog. and then it died. and i revive it back. which is the best thing. well to be fair, i absolutely do not have the time to update. at all. this is something which i have been harping on for as long as i can remember. ever since i started to know life and became busy. ever since, ever.

heh.

this short semester is finally over. i thank God for i have survive probably one of the craziest semesters i have to endure. this sem was assignments, assignments, assignments. pop quizzes. tests. labs. reports. field trips. ecetra ecetra. you name it, you know it. and then before i know it, it was finals all over again. and then, it's over.

my.

second.

semester.

as.

an.

undergraduate.

is.

finally.

over.

i cannot believe it.

not that this sem was any different from the last, but this sem is one hell of a short semester. packed. action packed. with loadsa fun, drama, and tears. and yet at the same time, bombastic craziness, laughter, and fun filled my time through this bunch of people called friends. and my brothers and sisters down the block.

and here i am now, at singapore for a debate tournament which i have been a little anticipating for. the smu hammers debate. i secretly cannot wait to debate.

staying at this dormitory style accomodation called footprints hostel with shan shan, chze lor, and poh leen, i am truly grateful for the superfast broadband they have here for my mobile is currently disabled. i now know that communication breakdown can truly affect somebody. and that it is not called a breakdown for nothing. muahaha.

0215 hours and i gotta sleep. have to be up in four hours. on another note, i'm actually dreading to debate like i always do before any tournament. then the fire lights up and boom! kidding kidding. so my mobile's dead. hrm. so...to mom, dad, sis, the big family, friends, brothers, and sisters down the block. don't worry! i'm pretty much alive!!!

more update soon. if i do not awesomely slack again.

xoxo.

the zest of life

while i'm sitting here for the past couple of hours going through my documents (i.e. certs and etc. etc. you-know-the-drill-that-kind-of-stuff), something which i was suppose to settle a few months ago, printing them while making sure everything is in order, at the same time trying not to curse the officer(s) in-charge whom i was trying to speak the same tone of language while speaking to a five year-old, my mind was filled with so many thoughts in the midst of being occupied by all those annoying paperwork. then it hit me. it just surprises me on how these things can come flooding through my central nervous system in just a couple of seconds. the excitatory wave which is now flowing through my brain are making me all hyped up. that explains. i've been itching to write (hah! another term for blog) about what i'm feeling ever since that very second hits itself.

it's either that or my glucose level is rather high. it's funny how something so simple, something which you think could supposingly make you mad, be turned upside down in just a few minutes. within those times, your emotions run high and thus, transformed into the bestest of the best level you could ever imagine. or is it me? i feel truly grateful for i could find contentment even in my worst period of time. i could not understand how people could easily be so bored, so easily agitated, so discontent, or couldn't even feel the slightest satisfaction which is obviously there upon their very own eyes. now that explains the increasingly amount of social ills which leads to the high number of crime rates which includes a huge load of drug abusers, mass killers, late night party goers *coughscoughs* (okay okay stop THIS IS NOT DEBATE!). oh wait - does weapons of mass destruction which is oh-so-influential counted? O.o

owkay, to be fair, maybe i don't know what those people are really going through. maybe i haven't reach that level of life yet. or i haven't grown out of my old one. well, i don't want to. to be realistic on the other hand, these people are agitated over silly things, like, seriously minute stuff, like the "urgh-why-don't-i-have-the-latest-cameraphone" that sort of thing, you know. don't get how, don't understand why, don't care also. boy, people sure did bring redundancy to a whole new level nowadays.

contentment is really that simple and easy for me. it doesnt involve a whole load of money or gold or silver okay whatever. as long as i get to go shopping, watch my favourite tvb series, abc series, read my world conflicts (the irony of it all), spend time with my loved ones, read my chic lits, watch classic movies which i deemed is a classic but is actually not haha and well so much more. well, about the money part if you're going to count the number of kaching kaching and bling bling to pay the expensive books, astro bills, pricey dvds (ha ha), err what-kind-of-shopping-does-not-involve-money, yes i know its window shopping but when we're talking about shopping, we don't talk window shop here, okay? *snap. HAHAHA wanted to do that for a very long time now. so let's just not go into it cause money is a real subjective topic, you know?

well i don't know which part is subjective it just is ;P

now MOVING ON!

i longed for those days where i wished i had more time to write a really good piece of article about anything, just writing my soul out, without caring about its twisted irony or its haywired storyline or its contradiction at the last paragraph from the first or its most likely huge load of grammatical errors-err my english is deteriorating mind you-and also the time that i get to shop till i drop with mom, have football talk with dad, and tickle caryn till she wraps herself up with pillows and sheets. or the time i spent with my bunch of pals, the bro and sis down the block, the debaters, and so many of them its really quite impossible to mention all of you here ;p

people say contentment comes from the inner soul and gosh that is so true. but i couldn't fathom the number of people who complains so much about their lives every second and every minute of the day. it's really funny when you come to think about it when they have so much in their life yet, they cannot stop whining one. i mean, it is okay to complain, i do too, we're humans like that, it's just about the level of attitude and mind these people have. like, harlooo??? you have access to all the luxuries of life and you want to tell me you don't have enough porsche in your villa? hah. just an example la you're suppose to apply it in whichever situation you're in hahaha. i guess it's how some people interpret their life. for me, something which begins from a whiney officer in-charge which i thought could make me explode in a few minutes transformed unexpectantly into something positive so fast. god knows how my brain works. it's real funny, sometimes i just don't get myself either. but i'm glad i'm like that. in those minutes, i thought my whole day was going to be spoilt, which is quite impossible when you think about it now, thanks to her and their big bums due to their over-eating and air-conditioning but nooo, i felt happier and hey, at the end of the day, i think she is a nice lady (really!), trying to do her job and all bla bla bla and omygod did i reveal too much???

well, it's just a thought. i think i swayed a little too much from what i wanted to say from the start. might just get myself into trouble cause one day i might contradict whatever i say here and then *boom! but it's okay i think i'm really giddy with all the happy things in life. to each of its own. cheers! ;)

xoxo.