i've been struggling with so many things for the past few days, even up till last night. not that all are bad, they just seemed to raise more questions every time i think about them. the rows we had, the inevitable questions, the arguments. it's so difficult. but good times were really, really good.
i know a huge part of it was my fault. nothing, i guess, was ever enough for me even though he did so much already and always wanting and working to work things out. and who is anyone to decide that he or she is right or wrong anyways? i guess i wasn't being fair at all. i inevitably became someone i didn't want to be. i should always stick to being myself. but sometimes, i am so confused. i don't really know who i should be anymore.
but things are progressing really well now. i decided to go back to my old self and that ultimately came with maturity and lots and lots of understanding and compromise. sometimes, it's not easy. certain things just haunts me, but i know i am not alone and that we're in this together. this, i was made to understand last night and i was so glad. it's like a huge closure. and everything was so sweet again.
i don't know what is right or what is wrong. all this time i never knew i potrayed an image of having a person to meet requirements just so he could love me. i realised that's so wrong and despite all this, he still tried and tried so hard, just to make me happy. all this while i thought that everything was right just because i thought that all of that was right. and i fussed over the tiniest littlest things only god knows what came over me. and i am so sorry i hurt him so much in the process and made him feel underappreciated.
i have fears too. like doubts that will this work, will things get better, or worse. but i think i should stop being selfish and try to compromise. however, i do hope this person respect my views just as i respect his when it comes to certain things.
all these things shouldn't have even happened had i been myself. i should be the most secure girl on earth! all the things he did, priceless! (though i wish he could do more, okay shut up cavina).
anyways! the point is:
one, i really need to start appreciating the littlest tiniest things in life. not that i never but you'll know what i am talking about if you're me.
two, i really, seriously, cannot wear my emotions up my sleeve and get upset or unhappy about the tiniest things that displeases me that often. it's really not healthy.
and tres, i cannot allow myself to swivel down the drain everything something bad happens which isn't really bad at all but i made it sound like the hugest deal in the world.
there's alot that i need to change, but besos besos we'll handle things one step at a time.
xoxo,
feliz chino nueve every buddy!
